She Bangs? Or Botoxes.

This article cracked me up. It's about how, instead of getting Botox on their forehead wrinkles, women are cutting bangs to hide them. They call them "Bo-bangs." I guess, if you can pull off bangs, it's a fairly cheap alternative to plastic surgery. As long as you don't go for the bizarro "I just did this myself, and, oh yeah, I'm 5 years old" super-cropped look. I have been against this look since childhood, when I gave myself an ill-executed haircut. It was not well received by my parents, and resulted in the destruction of my Hello Kitty safety scissors.

Anyway, the article reminded me of Valley of the Dolls when Jennifer attaches a "frownie" to her forehead to prevent her from furrowing her brow and creating wrinkles. So I looked up these Frownies, and found that they are very much still available. Despite being around for 114 years, they have had some very good press recently, including the coveted plug in O Magazine. A box of 144 Frownie patches is only $19.95, so I think I'm going to try them out. I'll let you know how it goes.

This also reminded me of a friend, who said that for her 13th birthday, all she wanted was bangs, and a chinchilla. Sadly, she was denied both at the time, but is now making up for lost bangs-time with her current hairstyle, and maybe some therapy.

Sinking Self Esteemship

Today, while reading Cool Hunting, I saw something that made me stand up and shout "Amen! Halleluja!!" Well, I didn't actually stand up because that would have meant shedding my giant woobie scarf-blankie thing and exposing my skin to the bitter cold, but I was very excited. What, you ask, could make me so excited? A book by Laurie Rosenwald entitled "All the Wrong People Have Self Esteem." While the book seems to be a mix of meanings and media, the title is what gets me going. You see, I have noticed often, and lately with increased frequency, that there are tons of people in the world who operate under the delusion that they are smart, skilled, and talented beyond reality, and use this high self-image to propel themselves forth in the world of business. I'm talking about the idiot bosses who run companies into the ground, all the while thinking that they are above taking advice from anyone around them. These people think and act with an undeserved authority, and they rise through the ranks virtually unquestioned and uncontested.

If you work for one of these people, you find yourself asking how they are able to walk out the door without getting hit by a bus every morning, let alone make a career for themselves. Given their ineptitude, you are no longer shocked by billionaire CEOs who can't seem to manage their way out of their own socks, yet have been entrusted with the fate of a giant company (and the jobs of thousands). Our nation's recent economic downfall is the fault of such people, whose own unwarranted self esteem has helped them reach the top, oblivious to the fact that their personal ladder of success is constructed out of marshmallows.

The upside of this is that it has given me a new-found confidence in my own abilities. If these schmucks can do it, why can't I? And why can't you for that matter? Whether this undeserved self esteem comes from class entitlement, or the praise heaped on them by those around them, these people have taken over the world, and need to be stopped. We can usurp their power, one dumbass at a time. Who's with me?

P.S. - I've already requested Laurie's book from the library, and I can't wait to read her thoughts on the topic of her title. She may have had a different idea altogether, in which case, I would sound like a total nut job. But that ship, I fear, may have already sailed.

"It certainly does suck!"

I just finished reading "Why Work Sucks and How to Fix It" by Cali Ressler and Jodi Thompson. It explains in depth the R.O.W.E. (results-only work environment), in which employees work literally whenever and however they want as long as the work gets done. So you can come in every day, or practically never, and no one can judge you as long as you are doing your job. You can leave at noon to see a movie and then work from home all night. It basically operates on the premise that most of the time people are just waiting out their 40 to 50 hours per week playing on the internet becasue all the boss cares about is that they are in their chair for the right amount of time, nevermind what they are (or aren't) getting done.

This all sounds like a dream to me, because I can't sit and work for too long without getting bored, and I crash in the afternoon and I am totally worthless to anyone for about 15 minutes, but no job would ever let me take a much-needed nap despite the medical evidence that proves napping doesn't make me a slacker. Besides, I also get the urge to go for a run in the middle of the day when it is impossible at work, never in the cold, dark morning when my schedule allows. Also, the 1.5 to 2 hours (and $7) I spend per day smashed up against strangers on the subway/path make me violently angry, and my life would be much better without it. Call me an elitist snob, but I've been entirely to close to a guy bleeding profusely from his face, have narrowly avoided a six-year-old's geyser of pink vomit, and had many other subway misadventures, usually all before 9:00 AM which I feel justify my hatred of public transportation. But I digress.

Cali and Jodi have successfully implemented R.O.W.E. at Best Buy, and it seems to be working fabulously, increasing productivity and all-around employee satisfaction. The main problem I see is that most managers will be highly reluctant to change their ways if they feel they will be losing any control. The likleyhood of a small company boss (like mine) adopting this are slim to none, despite the evidence to prove that it is beneficial to the bottom line as well as to the poor peons she employs. I've contemplated giving her a copy of the book and suggesting we adopt R.O.W.E., (which would fit our business perfectly if not for her need to treat her employees like idiots who are lucky to have the pennies she throws at us), but I don't think I should get myself fired until I figure out my next move. Unless you work for a larger company and the head honchos are totally on board to keep the managers from sliding back into the old ways, I feel like this will never work.

The other problem is that R.O.W.E. will only work if you don't mind the work you are doing. Presumeably the increased freedom will make you resent miserable work less, and thus motivate you to get it done better and faster so you can enjoy your freedom. However, if you despise the work you do, R.O.W.E. can't prevent it from sucking your will to live.

I highly recommend the book, as it will smack you in the head and make you rethink "work" completely. Sadly, it will make you depressed that you don't work in a R.O.W.E., and unless you start your own business, go work for Best Buy (most likely in Minnesota), or the corporate world suddenly does a 180, you probably never will. Boo.